Date Culture

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Americans giving advice on when to ask for another date

20th March 2010

Here is another “aritcle” from a football message board to give you an idea of what some Americans think is good dating advice. Some other entries that use the same format:

Should a woman offer to pay?
Ideas for a 3rd date
How to rekindle a relationship

Anyway, the original poster’s question:

Last week I was substitute teaching at the middle school the town over from me and I noticed a good looking girl around my age in the employee break room at lunch. Now, I’m usually a wimp when it comes to approaching chicks but this girl was definitely trying to engage me in conversation. In a rare showing of intestinal fortitude I asked her out at the end of the day. She said yes, we went out on Saturday night and had an awesome time. Ended up hanging out Sunday night and I visited her at her school (Holy Cross) and got dinner Wednesday night. We had plans to have dinner at my new apartment this past Saturday but she came down with a mysterious illness over the weekend.

I talked to her Sunday and she said she wanted to hangout but this week probably wouldn’t work. Basically what I’m asking is how to I play it at this point? This girl is disproportionately better looking than I am so I went with the ‘strike while the iron is hot approach’ which definitely backfired. I haven’t heard from her this week and I’m leaning toward going with the indifference card, not contacting her unless she contacts me and resort to a hail Mary call next week if I don’t hear from her. What say you?

Some of the answers:

1. How do you “play it” at this point? Why don’t you just ask her if she’s still interested.

2. Take her to a restaurant and buy her a nice meal. She probably got scared that you were inviting her to your apartment for dinner already after like 1 date. Maybe she’s old fashioned.

3. Don’t be a Tool. Call her, say hi, tell her you liked hanging out with her…ask her out again.

4. It sounds to me like she’s blowing you off but it could just be a bad time, so if you really like her it’s worth another shot. I’d wait the week out before asking her again, just to not be a stalker.

5. Good God, dude, slow down. In the span of a few days, you hung out way too much, you are waaaaay too available to her and she knows it. You went out Saturday night, hung out AGAIN the NEXT day, then drove to her school three days later (at this point, she’s probably already a little weirded out), then you want her at your apt three days later for an intimate dinner.

Way too much, way too soon, way too focused on one female before you really have a clue who she is, etc.

Right now, play the indifference card and let her come to you. NO invites of any kind, DO NOT ask her if she’s still interested.

6. Do not ask her if you should keep calling her, unless you don’t want to hang out with her again. Step on the brakes. Hang back — if she wants to get together with you this week, she’ll reach out to you. If you don’t hear from her after this week, you got the answer you’re looking for. At this point, I’d take her for her word she did get together w/ you 3 times last week. Asking her if she is still interested in you, when nothing apparently went wrong on the 3 dates, is not a good idea.

7. Game Over. “This girl is disproportionately better looking than I am”. If you believe this, you’re wasting your time. Confidence is what attracts women, not looks.

8. You already made the effort to try and hang out this week. At this point I think your best bet is to not call her and lay low. If she was interested, she’ll call you asking where you’ve been in about 2 weeks.

By the way, dinner as a date is bad. Too much eating without talking. Sitting across from someone at a table doesn’t lend itself to physical contact. Should have just gotten drinks, on a weekday. Weekend nights are too valuable, you put her on a pedestal already.

9. So when are you proposing to her? Tuesday?? Yeah, this was an easy one to call. You’re coming off as desperate and she’s reconsidering her initial feelings.

Think of yourself like a stock. You make yourself seem too available and your value plummets. Gotta pump that stock up. And the only way to do that with a girl who won’t be able to see you with other girls, etc. is to give the impression (real or perceived) that you have options/are wanted. All she can glean right now is that you have no plans… ever, and want to spend all your time with her.

She’s backing off… if she hasn’t bailed altogether already. Cool it

10. I think one can be confident without basing it on their looks. I don’t consider myself a good-looking guy, but girls have told me that they’ve liked me who are substantially better looking than I. I’m just confident in other areas, I’d say.

I’d slow it down. I’ve made the same mistake (I still do occasionally). Girls will say that they want a guy who cares for them, is there for them, etc. Bullshit in most cases.

And also, it’s much easier said than done. If you like her, you’ll want to contact her. But I’d lay low for a week or two and then ask again if she doesn’t contact you.

11. Your first problem is that you referred to the woman as a broad.

12. Sounds to me like you’re being a little too pushy and she needs her space.

13. My advice: All women are insecure to a degree, some more so than others. If you act like you don’t give a shit, they become insecure and come after you. If they do not come after you, they are not interested in you. Of course, not all women will react this way, but in my experiences, this is how it works for the majority.

14. Don’t EVER call a girl a broad. If she’s into you, she’ll call. Don’t ever ask if you should stop calling. Stop calling. Saying, “This girl is disproportionately better looking than I am…” tells me you need more confidence.

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