Date Culture

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Need Ideas for a Third Date

8th February 2009

Question: Ok, quick background…

Girl I knew from college (but wasn’t really friends with) sends me a message on Facebook that she wants to hang out and grab a drink sometime. So I tell her to meet me at a bar last Thursday. Conversation is great, she’s funny, we have similar interests, etc. However, didn’t I get a good sense if there’s any romantic interest. We say our goodnights.

I wait until Sunday afternoon and call her. I tell her that I’m going to take her out to dinner Friday (yesterday) night. She agrees, so we go to this expensive Italian restaurant. Same thing, conversation is great, she doesn’t have any problem opening up about herself, etc. I pay for everything. However, I still have no clue if there’s any physical attraction on her part. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, but didn’t really get a sense that I would have been ok in making a real move.

So anyway, I wait a couple of hours and send her a text saying “Hey I had a great time. Look forward to doing something again soon.” She responds “I had a lot of fun too. Thank you so, so much. I’m sure I’ll talk to you soon. Night!”

So, the door is still open, but I still have no sense of where I stand. I’m thinking I need to step it up on the third date and then go for broke. Any ideas on what to do? Going to see a show is nice, but there’s no room for conversation. Any ideas? I’m not a super-creative person.

Also, Valentine’s Day is coming up. Too soon to send her flowers at work or something like that?

Answer 1: Slow down for a second. She initiated contact via facebook, which is a great sign, BUT if you’re not feeling any real sexual heat from her on a date, that’s a not such a good sign. However, I suspect you’re waiting for her to initiate that as well, and she probably won’t if she’s somewhat old-fashioned.

Stick to drinks, avoid expensive dinners for awhile; let her prove to you she deserves that. And when you’re out together, touch her … gentle hand on the small of her back, for example. If she returns the touch in some way, good sign. You have to make the move for a legit kiss, none of this on the cheek stuff. The kiss is what will tell you yay or nay, step up. And, if you don’t make a move on the 3rd date, you’re going to be stuck in the “Friend Zone” for good …

One other thing. NO TEXTS two hours after you just dropped her off the same night!! Cripes, let some anticipation build up, give the girl a chance to miss your presence.

Answer 2: the key is it’s something different that most men do. More than likely the girl has not had a guy take her to do something like ice skating, bowling, or going to a museum, or take her to go play laser tag (someone suggested this to me). More than likely, doing fun things like this (k, museum might be ‘fun’) already puts you ahead most of the guys she’s probably dated or might be seeing presently. You’re being different and unpredictable, a very good thing.

Answer 3: the fact that Valentine’s is a week away sucks because it’s awkward timing. You haven’t been out with her long enough (and you don’t know where you stand) to send her flowers or whatever. And if she’s psycho and/or old-fashioned she might get offended if you get her nothing. Tough spot.

Answer 4: Wait a few days. Call her up and say “Choose one, A or B”. She picks one, and you just respond “Ok, see you Friday”. Never tell her what you’re doing. Even play around with it a little and say like “You sure you wanna choose that one? Ok….”

I’m thinking bowling might be the way to go.

NO flowers … you don’t know where you stand with this girl, and a friendship with no legit intimacy doesn’t call for flowers. I guarantee you if you send her flowers on 2/14 given where things stand right now, she’ll run for the hills.

Answer 5: NOTHING beats dinner in, chez vous, followed by a great classic flick on the DVR. Providing your place isn’t a frat-like bachelor pad…

If you can cook, cook for her and have a great bottle of vino. Red or white, whatever she prefers. Write me back if you need wine help or food ideas, I am expert at that having benn 1st a chef (French,Italian)and currently a winemaker. If you can’t cook but know what she likes, pick stuff up from Zabar’s, g-d forbid don’tserve it out of the box but have nice plates and stemware set up for the wine, and flowers on the table – red or deep orange roses are good.

As for the flick, chose a GREAT classic, Elmer Gantry comes to mind but there are innumerable suitable choices, something that suits your common interests is good but just being a great flick is even more important.

Before you bother planning this you make sure she is interested:
Ring Ring Ring
“Hi. Was wondering if you would be interested in dinner and a movie at my place. Something romantic.”
“Sure, I’d love to” (or “Oh… I can’t…. my aunt Gladys is coming in from southern Jabeep”)

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